The New Golddiggers- 2008!
As the traditional roles of men and women merge and redirect, there is a trend of male 'golddiggers' popping up. Call me old-fashioned, but I would much rather there be NO golddiggers than have to wonder whether the guy across from me is after me or my credit rating!
"It's shameful, really!" my friend Dana is repulsed by the guy she thought was so wonderful for three weeks- until he asked her to help him with his car payment. "Is this situation REALLY different from what we did in college?" I ask playing devil's advocate.
The truth is, unless he is traveling around a certain social circle that condones that behavior, it is QUITE different. While pursuing our academic careers, my friends and I were often courted by much older males as trophies. They knew from the monologues that began "I'm just a poor, struggling college student..." that we expected to be pampered and supported. This is why I refer to them as 'sponsors'. I truly am old-fashioned in many areas, but I recognize that there are some women- some older, some younger, most accomplished- who are willing (heck they are soliciting!) attractive, inert males to shower with gifts, etc. Unfortunately, for the Lothario previously mentioned, my social circle is not one of them.
My lunch group departs from Don's Pomeroy House and we return to our respective occupations. Although, my friends refer to me as 'playing poor', I cannot imagine a man attempting to date me as 'a sponsor'. On the first date he would realize the disposable income is not disposable as I am saving up to buy a home. My alms for the poor go directly into the baskets at church, and at present I am known for giving more time than gifts to my nieces and nephews. My life is such a 180 from where I was ten years ago that one of my wealthiest friends told me to re-read "Rich Christians In An Age of Hunger"(1997). As she put it, "There is nothing in there about becoming a social pariah and financially-challenged". She feels that I date beneath myself and do not take advantage of the accomodations offered to me by friends and family.
One of the men I am spending time with presently has several financial obligations that leave him shaking his head at the end of the month. He has admitted to working since he was ten years old and is now twenty-eight (apparently they start young in Puerto Rico, maybe that is why the port is so 'rich'). He is virile and energetic...he will be fine. But knowing how I feel about him (and the other one) presently, if either were to come to me and ask for...a loan, could I swallow my old-fashioned apprehensions in order to lend them the money? I would not, at this point, ask either of them for money. Just recently we began going French-Dutch on dates (Dutch: is when both pay for their meals; French-Dutch: is 'you pay this time, I'll pay next'). Their male pride causes them to schedule matinees when it is my turn to pay. But back to the question: could I GIVE a man money? Married: yes. Dating:?
When I loan money to my friends, I don't expect to get it back. Not that my friends are deadbeats, I simply don't loan money without knowing that there is a possibility I will never get it back. I am often pleasantly surprised. But to openly provide for a man...men still make more than women almost across the board- could I 'keep' a man? I don't believe so, not unless we had an agreement- a legally binding agreement. Palimony still exists and I wouldn't want to have to pay for the privilege long after it is no longer a pleasure!
In case you were wondering...I still don't reach for doors if I am walking with someone else (male or female); I expect people to open my car doors; I manipulate males in my vicinity into hailing my cabs; and I allow my date to order my meal (AFTER I have coyly mentioned what I am 'in the mood for' on the way to the restaurant). But maybe that is the Princess in me (wink).
"It's shameful, really!" my friend Dana is repulsed by the guy she thought was so wonderful for three weeks- until he asked her to help him with his car payment. "Is this situation REALLY different from what we did in college?" I ask playing devil's advocate.
The truth is, unless he is traveling around a certain social circle that condones that behavior, it is QUITE different. While pursuing our academic careers, my friends and I were often courted by much older males as trophies. They knew from the monologues that began "I'm just a poor, struggling college student..." that we expected to be pampered and supported. This is why I refer to them as 'sponsors'. I truly am old-fashioned in many areas, but I recognize that there are some women- some older, some younger, most accomplished- who are willing (heck they are soliciting!) attractive, inert males to shower with gifts, etc. Unfortunately, for the Lothario previously mentioned, my social circle is not one of them.
My lunch group departs from Don's Pomeroy House and we return to our respective occupations. Although, my friends refer to me as 'playing poor', I cannot imagine a man attempting to date me as 'a sponsor'. On the first date he would realize the disposable income is not disposable as I am saving up to buy a home. My alms for the poor go directly into the baskets at church, and at present I am known for giving more time than gifts to my nieces and nephews. My life is such a 180 from where I was ten years ago that one of my wealthiest friends told me to re-read "Rich Christians In An Age of Hunger"(1997). As she put it, "There is nothing in there about becoming a social pariah and financially-challenged". She feels that I date beneath myself and do not take advantage of the accomodations offered to me by friends and family.
One of the men I am spending time with presently has several financial obligations that leave him shaking his head at the end of the month. He has admitted to working since he was ten years old and is now twenty-eight (apparently they start young in Puerto Rico, maybe that is why the port is so 'rich'). He is virile and energetic...he will be fine. But knowing how I feel about him (and the other one) presently, if either were to come to me and ask for...a loan, could I swallow my old-fashioned apprehensions in order to lend them the money? I would not, at this point, ask either of them for money. Just recently we began going French-Dutch on dates (Dutch: is when both pay for their meals; French-Dutch: is 'you pay this time, I'll pay next'). Their male pride causes them to schedule matinees when it is my turn to pay. But back to the question: could I GIVE a man money? Married: yes. Dating:?
When I loan money to my friends, I don't expect to get it back. Not that my friends are deadbeats, I simply don't loan money without knowing that there is a possibility I will never get it back. I am often pleasantly surprised. But to openly provide for a man...men still make more than women almost across the board- could I 'keep' a man? I don't believe so, not unless we had an agreement- a legally binding agreement. Palimony still exists and I wouldn't want to have to pay for the privilege long after it is no longer a pleasure!
In case you were wondering...I still don't reach for doors if I am walking with someone else (male or female); I expect people to open my car doors; I manipulate males in my vicinity into hailing my cabs; and I allow my date to order my meal (AFTER I have coyly mentioned what I am 'in the mood for' on the way to the restaurant). But maybe that is the Princess in me (wink).
Labels: Equality, Male Golddiggers
posted by ScreenGoddessComplex at 1:33 PM
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