The Secret Vault
I am happy that my ex-husband and I can now be friends...but can I tell my boyfriend?
Our attempt at friendship after divorce began during the separation. But we needed time; yet, neither of us really wanted to let go. We'd been one another's club buddies and confidantes...I watched him evolving while his family thought he was going bonkers. When we'd reached a point where neither of us brought up the negative past, we found contentment. Unfortunately, I was with a very possessive man and he, with a very insecure woman...our compromise was to share an email address when we wanted to 'talk'. Our secret vault has survived even though, neither of us is with those two people any longer, we have less use for it.
T.J. brought over a Christmas gift on the twentieth of December. The card read: "This would have been our ten year anniversary...in a way it still is. Love, Tony". Our marrying seemed rushed to so many, but we knew each other so well we still can offer the best advice in times of need. One of the last times I called T.J., the moment he said hello I began whining, "T.J....I'm so confused!" to which he laughed, "Holy sh-t! This is so weird! Listen to what song was playing when you called!" He cranked up the familiar song by Bush "Ex-girlfriend" from their Sixteen Stone CD. The lyrics are: 'you only call me when you're down...you only call me when you're down'. Tres funny!
The email to the vault read: "Take Saturday off." Nothing else. I was worried for two days because I thought something might be wrong with one of my ex-stepchildren- my heartstrings are still tied to them. I helped buy my ex-stepdaughter a piano together with T.J., her mom and stepdad and T.J.'s parents a few years ago. He pulled up in his silver Saab 93 Convertible and I knew there was nothing 'wrong'...he simply wanted to hang out. I beckoned for him to come in so I could put on a cuter outfit. He hung out in the kitchen while I changed and talked to him throught the shoji screen. "You don't have to feign modesty Ha-day" (he is the only one who calls me that!) "I have seen it ALL before." "Eww! don't remind me." I hate when he reminds me that once upon a time we used to have sex. Now that we are friends, it just feels weird- unless I've been drinking, then it is funny. I changed into a more fitted ensemble; he eyed me like he knew what color panties I had on. "Stop!" I whined. "Wha'?" "You know!" He just smiled and laughed. As he walked toward the door I took him in as he had just taken me in...a fresh haircut- to be sure this morning; a camel colored cashmere/wool coat with woven leather wrapped buttons; dark washed jeans; a cashmere turtleneck- definitely Jos. A. Bank; Kenneth Cole loafers; and that Concord Carlton with the blue face I'd convinced him to buy when he got his last promotion. It's funny how when he got promoted, I was the person he wanted to celebrate with even though I was two relationships previous. He didn't take my breath away anymore but he was definitely the handsomest blond I knew. Was it the goatie? He stopped short of grabbing the doorknob and caught me. "Now what are YEWWW doing?" I smirked, "Being naughty.." "Let's go" he ordered. I skipped to the car.
As I eased into the seat I asked, "Where to?" He eyed my boots and legs, only stopping at the hem of my mini and smiled. "Where do YEWWW want to go?" "It's not what you think-" "What do I think?" "This is not for you" "Reeeally?" "No! It's for my boyfriend." He laughed loudly then said, "So you want to make him jealous by looking really hot when he accidently sees us today?" "Ha ha! Just drive." I said as I rolled my eyes. "Nice bag...", He commented. "Did you look at my neck?" I was wearing the David Yurman necklace he bought me for Christmas. "Yep. Man, is your boyfriend going to sh-t bricks!" "He is not the jealous type-" "Ha-day...every guy is the jealous type; it's just a matter of finding his trigger. Remember you told me that?" "Yes...and that night you punched the guy that was dancing with me. Why didn't people think we were to together?" "Some did...the close-minded didn't." "How many women get married to their club buddy?" "In our generation? Probably alot!" "Maybe women in our age group should start calling the first husband the 'club hubby'." "That would be so kewl! We should start people doing that!" "Oh yeah, because we're so cool everyone does what we do!" "They do!" "Oh T.J. don't start!" My ex-husband has this misconception that we helped interracial dating along in Cleveland...single-handedly.
We arrived at the Art Museum and he complained- as he always does- about the parking. "The Museum is free why isn't the parking?!" I egged him on, "Aren't you a member? You should complain." "I'm a member because of YEWW!" I giggled as I thought about all the boyfriends and the like that I'd convinced to become members of the Cleveland Museum of Art. They should be giving me a stipend! We walked in and I greeted the guard by name. "You still hang out here and sketch?" "For Life!" "I married a weirdo!" I remember the first time he convinced me that him coming along while I sketched was a good idea; he kept telling me things I SHOULD sketch and ruined the day for me. He apologized later with a flower from the Polish Cultural Gardens. I knew it was wrong, but his dad had been on the committee for the garden and he told me it was 'totally kosher'. Right. We went straight for our favorite room...The Ancient Egyptian room. "There's your namesake" he said as he pointed to Ma'at. "You do kinda look like her-" "That is not why I was named-" "I know! Ssh!"
As we walked through the Museum I wondered for a moment how my boyfriend would feel if he came upon us holding hands; my guilt made me drop T.J.'s hand. "What's up?" "I-" I couldn't get the words out but when he looked at me he knew. "Don't worry, if we see him I'll pretend I'm gay." My boyfriend has never seen a picture of T.J. so that might have worked! We finished the tour and he asked if I was hungry. "I could lunch" I answered. We went to Peppermint, my favorite Thai restaurant. As we sat and caught up, in mid-laugh, T.J. whispered "Do you still love me?". I stopped laughing and dropped my eyes to my lap. I nervously refolded my napkin then looked up and said, "Yes but differently..." He smiled and said, "You just made my day."
We went back down memory lane- literally- taking back roads in Hunting Valley that we'd rode on before. "Remember when we convinced my dad to rent that Ninja?-" "Yeah because your driving record was too scary-" "and I was trying to impress you because you used to practically blow up when 'Machinehead' played-" "And you dared me to sing it in that field-" "Yeah...no one can do the white girl like you!-" "T.J. that is sooo un-P.C.!-" "It's true!-" "Shut up!". Later when he dropped me off at home he asked if I told my boyfriend who bought me the necklace I was wearing. "I told him the truth-" "What- that a friend bought it?" "No that YEWW did." He seemed surprised. "How'd he take it?" "The same way I took it when I found out you asked to leave Gilmour Academy because you were homesick and you hadn't been kicked out like you told me." "He had sex with you?" "Shut up!" "You mean he instantly forgave you?" "Yes." "He has no choice...he's never around and he doesn't make as much money as I do-" "Stop it!" "You'll get bored with playing the good, understanding girlfriend and find someone who worships you like all the rest of us did-" "Don't be so sure-" "Why?-" "Because I'm different-" "Princesses never change." I fell silent because he had truly touched a nerve; it bothered me alot that my boyfriend didn't spend that much time with me, even if he had a very valid reason. I kissed his cheek, knowing he knew me better than most, and got out the car.
NO! I am not cheating on my boyfriend with my ex-husband. When you are that close- married for goodness sakes!- you share a special bond. I am happy he is my friend now, that is how it should be if you ever truly loved the person.
Our attempt at friendship after divorce began during the separation. But we needed time; yet, neither of us really wanted to let go. We'd been one another's club buddies and confidantes...I watched him evolving while his family thought he was going bonkers. When we'd reached a point where neither of us brought up the negative past, we found contentment. Unfortunately, I was with a very possessive man and he, with a very insecure woman...our compromise was to share an email address when we wanted to 'talk'. Our secret vault has survived even though, neither of us is with those two people any longer, we have less use for it.
T.J. brought over a Christmas gift on the twentieth of December. The card read: "This would have been our ten year anniversary...in a way it still is. Love, Tony". Our marrying seemed rushed to so many, but we knew each other so well we still can offer the best advice in times of need. One of the last times I called T.J., the moment he said hello I began whining, "T.J....I'm so confused!" to which he laughed, "Holy sh-t! This is so weird! Listen to what song was playing when you called!" He cranked up the familiar song by Bush "Ex-girlfriend" from their Sixteen Stone CD. The lyrics are: 'you only call me when you're down...you only call me when you're down'. Tres funny!
The email to the vault read: "Take Saturday off." Nothing else. I was worried for two days because I thought something might be wrong with one of my ex-stepchildren- my heartstrings are still tied to them. I helped buy my ex-stepdaughter a piano together with T.J., her mom and stepdad and T.J.'s parents a few years ago. He pulled up in his silver Saab 93 Convertible and I knew there was nothing 'wrong'...he simply wanted to hang out. I beckoned for him to come in so I could put on a cuter outfit. He hung out in the kitchen while I changed and talked to him throught the shoji screen. "You don't have to feign modesty Ha-day" (he is the only one who calls me that!) "I have seen it ALL before." "Eww! don't remind me." I hate when he reminds me that once upon a time we used to have sex. Now that we are friends, it just feels weird- unless I've been drinking, then it is funny. I changed into a more fitted ensemble; he eyed me like he knew what color panties I had on. "Stop!" I whined. "Wha'?" "You know!" He just smiled and laughed. As he walked toward the door I took him in as he had just taken me in...a fresh haircut- to be sure this morning; a camel colored cashmere/wool coat with woven leather wrapped buttons; dark washed jeans; a cashmere turtleneck- definitely Jos. A. Bank; Kenneth Cole loafers; and that Concord Carlton with the blue face I'd convinced him to buy when he got his last promotion. It's funny how when he got promoted, I was the person he wanted to celebrate with even though I was two relationships previous. He didn't take my breath away anymore but he was definitely the handsomest blond I knew. Was it the goatie? He stopped short of grabbing the doorknob and caught me. "Now what are YEWWW doing?" I smirked, "Being naughty.." "Let's go" he ordered. I skipped to the car.
As I eased into the seat I asked, "Where to?" He eyed my boots and legs, only stopping at the hem of my mini and smiled. "Where do YEWWW want to go?" "It's not what you think-" "What do I think?" "This is not for you" "Reeeally?" "No! It's for my boyfriend." He laughed loudly then said, "So you want to make him jealous by looking really hot when he accidently sees us today?" "Ha ha! Just drive." I said as I rolled my eyes. "Nice bag...", He commented. "Did you look at my neck?" I was wearing the David Yurman necklace he bought me for Christmas. "Yep. Man, is your boyfriend going to sh-t bricks!" "He is not the jealous type-" "Ha-day...every guy is the jealous type; it's just a matter of finding his trigger. Remember you told me that?" "Yes...and that night you punched the guy that was dancing with me. Why didn't people think we were to together?" "Some did...the close-minded didn't." "How many women get married to their club buddy?" "In our generation? Probably alot!" "Maybe women in our age group should start calling the first husband the 'club hubby'." "That would be so kewl! We should start people doing that!" "Oh yeah, because we're so cool everyone does what we do!" "They do!" "Oh T.J. don't start!" My ex-husband has this misconception that we helped interracial dating along in Cleveland...single-handedly.
We arrived at the Art Museum and he complained- as he always does- about the parking. "The Museum is free why isn't the parking?!" I egged him on, "Aren't you a member? You should complain." "I'm a member because of YEWW!" I giggled as I thought about all the boyfriends and the like that I'd convinced to become members of the Cleveland Museum of Art. They should be giving me a stipend! We walked in and I greeted the guard by name. "You still hang out here and sketch?" "For Life!" "I married a weirdo!" I remember the first time he convinced me that him coming along while I sketched was a good idea; he kept telling me things I SHOULD sketch and ruined the day for me. He apologized later with a flower from the Polish Cultural Gardens. I knew it was wrong, but his dad had been on the committee for the garden and he told me it was 'totally kosher'. Right. We went straight for our favorite room...The Ancient Egyptian room. "There's your namesake" he said as he pointed to Ma'at. "You do kinda look like her-" "That is not why I was named-" "I know! Ssh!"
As we walked through the Museum I wondered for a moment how my boyfriend would feel if he came upon us holding hands; my guilt made me drop T.J.'s hand. "What's up?" "I-" I couldn't get the words out but when he looked at me he knew. "Don't worry, if we see him I'll pretend I'm gay." My boyfriend has never seen a picture of T.J. so that might have worked! We finished the tour and he asked if I was hungry. "I could lunch" I answered. We went to Peppermint, my favorite Thai restaurant. As we sat and caught up, in mid-laugh, T.J. whispered "Do you still love me?". I stopped laughing and dropped my eyes to my lap. I nervously refolded my napkin then looked up and said, "Yes but differently..." He smiled and said, "You just made my day."
We went back down memory lane- literally- taking back roads in Hunting Valley that we'd rode on before. "Remember when we convinced my dad to rent that Ninja?-" "Yeah because your driving record was too scary-" "and I was trying to impress you because you used to practically blow up when 'Machinehead' played-" "And you dared me to sing it in that field-" "Yeah...no one can do the white girl like you!-" "T.J. that is sooo un-P.C.!-" "It's true!-" "Shut up!". Later when he dropped me off at home he asked if I told my boyfriend who bought me the necklace I was wearing. "I told him the truth-" "What- that a friend bought it?" "No that YEWW did." He seemed surprised. "How'd he take it?" "The same way I took it when I found out you asked to leave Gilmour Academy because you were homesick and you hadn't been kicked out like you told me." "He had sex with you?" "Shut up!" "You mean he instantly forgave you?" "Yes." "He has no choice...he's never around and he doesn't make as much money as I do-" "Stop it!" "You'll get bored with playing the good, understanding girlfriend and find someone who worships you like all the rest of us did-" "Don't be so sure-" "Why?-" "Because I'm different-" "Princesses never change." I fell silent because he had truly touched a nerve; it bothered me alot that my boyfriend didn't spend that much time with me, even if he had a very valid reason. I kissed his cheek, knowing he knew me better than most, and got out the car.
NO! I am not cheating on my boyfriend with my ex-husband. When you are that close- married for goodness sakes!- you share a special bond. I am happy he is my friend now, that is how it should be if you ever truly loved the person.
Labels: Ex-husband, Exes as friends, secret friendships
posted by ScreenGoddessComplex at 11:22 AM
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