"The Object of MY Affection"

Yes...it happened...The Goddess M.~ nearly tumbled from her pedestal trying to reach for the unattainable....(sigh)

He is BEAUTIFUL- I am not simply saying that to justify my foolishness! He- we will call him DARLING- DARRRRling is quite beautiful, both inside and out. Tall, with a young, angelic face; a brain I love to pick; and a domineering 'alpha-male' personality that can really get a girl going! And my Darling knows this! We invented a less-than-proper nickname for his affect on women...we refer to him as a clit-teaser. Sometimes oblivious, sometimes using what he has to get what he wants, he tortures females into hope. I guess I should be happy he isn't on our team; how many women's hearts would he leave in his wake then?

And here I am in the aftermath of delusion; I used to lie to myself and pretend I still had my bearings and wasn't one of those "delusional women" who'd fallen for Darling's charm. When one began to primp and preen before hanging out with Darling my mother began to question our interaction. "Does he ever date women?" "NO...well...not anymore." "Oh! He used to then?" "Yes, but that was when he wasn't being REAL with himself." My mother looked me over then asked, "Are WE being real with ourselves?"

I wasn't dear friends! My celibacy may be to blame. My silent prayers for the 'perfect fellow' (creative, intelligent, handsome and not the least bit concerned about my knickers!) has caused me to attach myself to a homosexual man who LOVES the attention. He enjoys our 'game'; he even thanks people when they tell us we make a lovely couple- and we DO...a lovely couple of friends! His homosexual friends seemed concerned when coworkers who have known him longer than I have began questioning his homosexuality; apparently this is not a good thing (I think it's cute when people think I'M a lesbian). And then there were 'the lovers' quarrels' which left us 'spent'. The closest we got to releasing passion. A close friend of mine (who doesn't know Darling from Adam) brought up an interesting point while one was kicking herself for being so daft. He stated that sometimes, when a homosexual man once dated women, he begins to miss that sort of interaction; if it wasn't traumatic for him to begin with. "Male-male relationships ARE different than Male-female ones, M.~. Maybe you're the type of girl he would be with if he still dated women." "Wouldn't that in essence make me his Fag-hag?" "No, not really.." My friend seemed unsure, as I am now.

Maybe I will recover; I have been neglecting my blog and my journals in favor of being Darling's UN-wife (a mutual joke between us). We spoke today concerning my 'revelation', Darling and I, and he told me he did not consider me a fag-hag at all. "You're more like my 'fruit fly'. If you weren't buzzing about I wouldn't know if my fruit was ripe." Dear friends pray for me!


I want to especially thank JENNIFER ANISTON's character in the film referenced in the title of this blog for her grace and creativity in handling PAUL RUDD's obliviousness. It just may help me let this one thing go...